doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she smelled like a LAN party
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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