When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
