So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
