so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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