the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
