We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
