do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize