There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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