Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
