Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
