he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
