Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
