Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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