I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
