I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
