i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize