Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
