So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
