Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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