Say something about gay babies.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
