i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
