My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need water and some morals
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize