Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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