Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
