You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
