The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she told me i tasted like america
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
