is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
this hospital has no fireball
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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