I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
