bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
