there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
false alarm. still invincible.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
