can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
