so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This baby is an asshole
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
whose parrot is this?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
