I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
