Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
