lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My breasts were aching with rage.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
