You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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