Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize