I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
