I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
