Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
