You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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