Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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