What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
