You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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