dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
