Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
