you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize