There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
