I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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