Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
