Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
