shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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