i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
