So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
