I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
