i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
