Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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