She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
