it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize