either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
