Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
