I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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