hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
