I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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