my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
